And...

I feel lonely again...

Its the third time I had to say bye to him. The first time was bad. Really bad. From fighting to sleep on which side of the bed to sleeping all alone. From "solve this problem in 10 mins" to "Oh shit! I cant do this alone" it was a painful transition. But there was atleast this chance of meeting him during weekends or sometime every month.

The second time he was going farther. Little too far to come back every weekend or every month. Back then, I thought I wouldn't see him for a year. Separation began to redefine itself. More loneliness was felt. No one to help. No one to fight with. No one to save me from mom. No one to spy. I swear, you should be happy if you have siblings. Its really sad to live alone.

And then in between all this boredom and sadness he suddenly said he was coming back for a while and I celebrated. Really. Your prayers aren't heard very often.

Anyhow, lots of chocolates and an expensive surprise (atleast I didn't think he'd spend so much on me) and there was happiness all around. I could stay out late too coz he'd pick me up. Generally, more fun than the life I had been living.

And today, he went back. The same airport. The same chaos. The same "your cabin baggage is too big, sir" (Bloody! Tennis racquets aren't balls. They break). There weren't tears this time. Though there was this confused expression on his face, he knew he didn't belong here anymore. He had to go back. I knew it too. But it gets too hard to accept things sometimes.

I say this because it IS the end of all the time we had spent together. We won't be there for each other when we get back home (Not like we spoke too much. The presence itself was enough). I don't share my room with anyone anymore. I've begun to say my bro lives in the US and I am alone at home. I know its all true, its just too hard to believe its all happening to me.

Technically, its been happening for a while now. Only, everytime he comes back, this feeling strikes me with greater force. Maybe its just a phase and I'll probably begin to accept that he'll only be a visitor now, that we'll never be so close anymore and that we'll never be able to get any closer (Come on... I have worn braces. This shouldn't be hard)

But ahh! Its just too difficult.

I've bitched too much, talked too much and made fun of him like crazy. But there will always be love in the air.

Now to learn to call him anna...

Ooh before I go, some last pictures of the airport before it shifts...